This is where I used to have my belt done up to to keep my pants up - 2 months and nearly 40lbs ago.
Despite people noticing changes - I myself (aka I, my biggest critic) haven't noticed much except that my knees hurt less and I can fit into the July talk tshirt I bought last year and never wore because it always felt weird.
So seeing this today, ,really noticing this today has been a blessing in a very plateau week.
I've been slightly stagnant in my work outs lately. I'm finding it hard to find motivation. I think the second you fall out of love with the journey is the second you start to give up. There are super discouraging moments where I feel impatient and annoyed. Last week was a rough week emotionally and I think it took a harder toll on me than I anticipated.
Trying to stay in the positive margin of hey, I hit 30 pounds lost yesterday. Instead of I skipped the gym 3 days in a row.
So I'm trying to jump back into a groove and thought I'd give one of these 30 day challenges a go.
It's not super intense - supported through buzzfeed - and it focuses on weight training 3 days a week and high intensity cardio 1 day a week. So it'll fit into my schedule for the most part.
I worked yesterday and went out after so today is really day 1. Even though it's not Monday.
I have a hard time grasping the validity of these challenges because they're often misleading and accompany some kind of cost. But this one is free. And I don't really have anything to lose other than more weight. So. Here goes.
On the agenda today - focus on arms
Circuit 1 -
8 weighted squats 20lb weight
8 bent rows 20lb weight (8 per side)
8 side lunge 20lb weight (8 per side)
10 laying bench presses 20lb weight
30 seconds elbow plank (I modified this to an elbow plank on my knees because I'm not good enough at regular planking yet to pull this off)
60 second rest
Repeat circuit 1 five times resting 60 seconds between each circuit.
Circuit 2
10 standing overhead presses 20lb weight
10 standing bicep curls 10lb weight (couldn't do 10 with a 20lb weight - YET)
10 laying tricep presses 10lb weight
60 second rest
Repeat circuit 2 three times resting 60 seconds between each circuit.
I completed this in about 40 minutes because I had to stop to look at the form on some of these a few times to make sure I was doing it right.
Surprised by how good of a work out it really is. Now off to catch up on chores and enjoy the sunshine.
When I was younger, I used to value my strength on my ability to lift things. When you're big people just assume you're also strong. I hung onto that like it was some crumb or glimer of beauty in an otherwise ugly existence.
I'm not skinny. But at least I'm strong.
I'm not pretty. But at least I'm strong.
I remember 6 th grade gym class - small town alberta - their idea of a physical fitness test was to make us run laps around the gym for 20 minutes straight, once a month. The kids with the highest lap count were healthy. The ones with the lowest were destined to a life of fat jokes and solitary lunches.
I remember faking out of them consistently. I was 'sick' or I hurt my ankle. I had the dates circled in red in my agenda. Like some ominous countdown to shame.
I once even tried bargaining with my gym teacher to say if she let me out of running I'd prove my physical abilities in brute strength by bench pressing 200 pounds (this seemed like a logical amount in my silly preteen mind).
To my delight she complied. But she made me do it in front of everyone. Mocking me when I failed and pointed me towards the running area that was set up and told me if I stopped running she'd fail me.
I spent those twenty minutes convincing myself not to cry. Not to be weak again in front of anyone. That I was strong despite failing. But the cackles of the kids passing me, lapping me sometimes 3 times got to me. I broke. I walked out of the line of kids. I walked to my locker. I walked home.
It was that night that I pleaded a case to my mother to let me home school. That I would do better somehow, away from the public school system. I must have been pretty convincing, because I never went back.
I started an incline interval treadmill work out today that, despite being labeled as beginner level, was exceptionally challenging. Every minute you up either the speed or the incline until you reach a point where you bring it back down a bit and then back up. I think the term is laddering.
It sounds easy in theory. You do this for an hour and life will be great after.
A guy was in the gym doing maintenence to the treadmill when I showed up. He said he'd only be a few minutes so I started off on the bike. I dig the bike. It makes me sweaty as fuck. Which I'm told is a good thing. But I much prefer the treadmill. So half an hour later when he was done I hopped on and headed out, telling myself that I had just done a half hour of cardio, so even if I could only do one minute I was still ahead of the game. I honestly anticipated pain the first few minutes in and had already justified myself to stop at any moment. Weird thing was, at minute 5 I had a flash back to that day in gym class. I haven't thought about that day in 20 years. I removed it from my brain entirely until today. When it popped up. I heard that tiny weak voice of tiny adolescent me say just stop. Just go. Go home. Give up and leave. They're all laughing at you. You can't do it. And though I'm not a terribly inspirational person - as in I don't find motivators in posters saying 'you can do it!' (Must be the cynic in me) - I took a sip of water and said to myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the misconstrued views you had about strength put you in a position to fail publicly. I'm sorry you were a weird little fat kid with no friends and a brain that wouldn't shut up. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that you were hiding playing hide and seek and I never came to find you. I'm sorry I gave up on you then. But I'm not giving up on you now. So you need to believe me when I say I'm sorry.
And I am sorry. To that little kid who had to suffer to find her greatness. Who had to endure to find a way. Her way. I wish I hugged her more then. I'm hugging her every day now.
The beauty about strength is that it doesn't come from muscles.
It doesn't come from 50 reps or benching 200 (which for the record, I still can't do. But one day I fucking will)
It comes from the mushy grey matter inside your skull that controls what you do and how you do it.
I made it 36 minutes out of the hour. So something like 54%. Which is a fuck of a lot better than the 0% I got in that gym class.
