Zucchini lasagna and my take on caprese salad

I'm so effin stoked to share this because lasagna is pretty much my specialty. When I'm busting out an "impressive" meal it's kind of my go to.
That and gnocchi. Which - I will be posting a recipe for my sweet potatoe gnocchi here soon.
This turned out so much better than I had hoped.
I'll start with the caprese salad first since it's easy as fuck and amazing as fuck. 

What you need:
6-10 cocktail tomatos (really though you can use any tomato. Cocktail tomatos are just really sweet and small)
As much basil as you can handle
Olive oil
Goat cheese (traditional caprese is made with Bocachoni or mozzarella. But I hate Bocachoni. So. This is my preferred cheese.) You can use pretty much any cheese you want actually.
THERE ARE NO RULES!
except cream cheese. That would be gross.
There's zero actual cooking involved here. Just cut that shit up and put it on a plate. Drizzle olive oil and maybe a lil salt and you're good to go.
Don't blame me if you get addicted to this shit ok?
Blame the Italians or something.

Now the main attraction!
Lasagna is totally a do what feels right kind of food. It's hard to screw up.
I made mine with two sets of "sauce"
This first being a spinach sauce and the second a tomato sauce.
What you need: (for the spinach)
1 bag baby spinach
2 cloves garlic
1/2 large onion
5 large mushrooms chopped
1 red pepper
1 and 1/2 cups cottage cheese
A lil salt

Rinse and dry your spinach. Ok? Fucking do it. Otherwise it's gritty and you ain't impressing no one with gritty spinach.
Saute onion and garlic and chopped mushrooms in a lil olive oil or coconut oil until tender.
Toss in your CLEAN AND NON GRITTY SPINACH!
Add a lil salt.
let that shit wilt.
On a clean burner - crank the fucking heat until it's red fucking hot. put the red pepper on it. Let it burn. No seriously. LET IT BURN! turn it around and around so it burns alllllll sides.
While it's still hot, put it in a bowl and cover with plastic wrap and set aside for at least 15 minutes. It will continue to cook. You know what you just did? You made a roasted red pepper and that shit is fucking MAGIC.
Once it's cool enough to handle, gently peel the skin off. Slice up and remove the seeds then chop into pieces. Throw that magical shit into the spinach mixture.
Side note - I am a person what HATES the spinach watery stuff that happens when you wilt spinach. So I drained mine after cooking. I realize I probably drained off some of the nutritional value by doing this - but I give ZERO FUCKS.
let everything cool the fuck down ok? Let it sit on the stove until it's not scalding hot. Then mix in the cottage cheese and set aside until you're ready to assemble.

What you need: (tomatoe sauce)
1 package lean ground chicken
2 cloves garlic
A shit ton of basil. Fresh please. The dried stuff is ok - but fresh is 10 BILLION times better.
1 can crushed tomatos
Salt and pepper

Saute garlic in a lil olive oil until tender. Don't burn your fucking garlic ok? That shit is disgusting burnt.
Cook your damn ground chicken any way you want with the garlic. Then drain it. Because the only thing I like less than cooked spinach water is cooked ground chicken water. Blech.
Add in the crushed tomatos.
Add in the basil. I used like 400lbs of it because I love it ok? But you don't have to. It's a free country. But add enough so you can taste it. That's the whole fucking point.
Let simmer for 20 minutes - a half hour. Salt and pepper to taste.
You can also add oregano here too. If you want. I bet it would be a nice time. But I didn't have any kicking around so fuck it.

What you need: (noodles)
3 medium to large zucchini.
That's fucking it!
Slice those fuckers THIN. like noodle thin ok? LOGIC.
I used my mandolin. WITH THE FUCKING GUARD!!!!!
can't stress the guard point enough. I cut half my damn thumb off on one of those things like a year ago and the last thing I want is some shit head doing the same thing then blaming me because I didn't warn them.
USE THE FUCKING GUARD.
Or use a knife. Zucchini is easy like Sunday morning. So either option works.

ASSEMBLY!
Put a little bit of the tomatoe sauce down in the bottom of your pan to prevent the "noodles" from sticking.
(From here on out I'm going to call them noodles. I realize they're not actually noodles in the traditional sense but you can fuck right off with your traditional sense. This is my recipe. I do whatever I want)
Layer on some noodles.
Layer on the tomato sauce.
Layer on the spinach sauce.
Layer on some noodles.
Tomato.
Spinach.
Noodle.
Repeat as necessary.
End with sauce. Then throw down some parm, some mozza and some fresh basil. Then bake that shit at 375 for 25-30 minutes. Or until the cheese is melty and it smells like the the most magical shit you've ever created.

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Make sure you share this food with people you love so they know you're impressive in the kitchen.

I never feel as adult as I do when I'm sitting outside in the morning drinking coffee.
As a child, I always imagined that the pinnacle of success and adulthood somehow centered around the consumption of coffee.
How something like having the time, the spare moments, to sit and read and drink warm creamy liquid can define a person's own state is beyond me.
For all the studying I've done on human emotion and psychology, I still have a hard time understanding how fundamentals are created. Synapses I suppose.
But here I am. Watching the seasons change outside, sipping a coffee and enjoying how simple it is.
I haven't had coffee in YEARS. literal years. I can't drink it on most days due to the hole that lingers in my esophagus. But extra heartburn pills and a rekindled love of its dark morning flavor has brought me here, feeling nostalgic for a childhood I was determined to out run and a sense of responsibility that I'm determined to forget. At least for a few minutes.
Tonight I'm preparing dinner for a good friend that I don't see as often as I'd like. I think I'll throw down a recipe. Since I haven't done that in awhile. Keep your eyes open for that dear readers.
And sip your coffee extra slowly today. Don't be in such a hurry to get going to wherever you're going to.
As my dad would say - when God made time, he made plenty of it.

If you lived here, you'd be home now.

There's nothing that brings me more contemplative joy than sitting at the kitchen table, hands and face dirty from working all morning, to a cup of coffee and the calm still silence that is this place.
I can't fathom leaving. Honestly. I refuse to think about it.
I went back to the city last night to check up on my place and have dinner with some friends and I could just feel it sinking into me. Settling into my bones. This urgency and anxiety.
No matter where we stand or sit our rest our feet, the world - our lives - move too quickly. The speed of convenience has created this vortex of bustle and movement that is too much.
You want to know why depression wasn't as prevalent 60 years ago?
Because we took the time to calm the fuck down.
Create something with our hands.
Create a sense of pride.
So tell me, how am I supposed to go back to that noise now?

The point of no return

I'm a farm kid.
There's no denying it.
When I'm here, the everyday doubt and self loathing is gone. It never enters my mind. I'm awake with the sun. I'm working all day. Really working. My hands are dirty and calloused and cut up and sore. But my mind is clear. My mind is calm. My mind is NEVER calm.
It's night and day for me.
I went back to the city for a date on Wednesday and despite the fact that I got to spend time with a pretty girl and sleep in my own bed - I couldn't wait to get back here. Back to the calm quiet and the promise of more work.
And it's not work in the sense that it feels like a burden. It's investing in the future of this place.
I cut down trees. I cut down an entire pasture of weeds that had grown above my head. I pruned and trimmed and opened up the sky to a view that is priceless - though you'd easily pay millions for it.
I'm so content.
After months of trying to remember who I am and what I'm supposed to do or be - I've found life here. I've found myself here.
Now I just have to find a way to stay.

We're somewhere outside of the city and the captain Morgan has started to take hold.
There's no better way to describe the connection in friendship other than near perfection.
My biggest fear, my biggest anxiety in the last 2 years is that my heart - my friends - won't find me as complimentary now vs then. Because of the changes I've made to who I am, and the changes I'm making to who I'm becoming, it's hard not to think "they won't like me if I'm this way. They won't like me because I'm not who I used to be".

I remember sitting in my best friends living room. The night I moved back from Quebec, The night I figured I'd kill myself, and I sat there drinking and pouring my heart out about all the bad decisions I made and how fucked I felt and they said to me - we saw through all the shit before. We see through all the shit now - and we see you. And we love you.
and despite the anxiety and fear I feel every now and then, I still know that's true. And I still know that even if I become someone entirely different - they still see who I am fundamentally. And they love me.
And really, there's nothing else I could ask for.
But I am blessed to have a campfire in front of me, and my best friends all around me, and life is pretty god damn perfect.