Unclaimed baggage

Self fulfilling prophecy and the movement between belief and behavior.
When I was a kid I found the word manifest somewhere in the midst of my travels. It became a tiny tight lipped word I used often and with great pride. If I could work it into the conversation at any point I would.
It wasn't until many years later that I realized I was using it wrong the whole time.
Going back to moments like these often fill me with a sense of shame over my own stupidity and that shame grows into something akin to a cycle of worst case scenarios and mental berating. I've gone through enough therapy to know that shame is mostly to blame for all my anxiety and depression. I'll turn my head to the right and physically say stop to myself in order to avoid sinking in to the cycle most times it starts. But even that method of detracting doesn't often help the situation.
Our ability to move through shame is the real challenge. For me anyways. You'd think it would be easy enough. Take a step forward into it. Look around and observe. Walk out.
But I go completely blind the second I've taken the step forward and I can't see the path to walk out on through all the mess and muck that shame has coated itself in.
If you believe that something might happen, based on any number of factors, your actions in relation to that belief will automatically follow.
If I believe I'm stupid, then I will make stupid actions. If you believe that something will happen a certain way, your actions will all but ensure that it does happen. Again - based on any number of factors. This self fulfilling prophecy is habitual. It's just how some of us operate. And it sucks.
I'm miserable today because someone told me I seemed miserable. And even though I didn't start out that way, I believed them when they said it. And as such - I made it happen.
If you say something is going to happen and really believe that it will? It will. Because you'll make it happen.
These implications and assumptions can be catastrophic if put in a fertile place and given the space to grow into some mighty version of itself.  One day it'll take over. It'll just be a whole forest of crap that no chainsaw will ever be able to cut it down. And then what? Build a tree fort. Live up there. Watch your forest grow. Then burn the fucker down.
Somewhere along the way here I found manifest again and have been letting it sit there waiting in the wings to make its appearance outside of my tongue. So I guess we'll see. We'll see how she goes.